Three Days to Go

I am soooooooooo excited! My cute Squidgy will be here in three days! In three days I can look forward to losing lots of sleep and lots of hair and perhaps even what is left of my sanity, but it is all worth it because she is the cutest little torture device on the planet!

His Reputation Precedes Him

So I went to dinner on Friday with an awesome couple who had the most well-behaved children ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET. The kids were totally polite and they even schooled me when I began to pick my teeth at the table with my friend’s credit card. I was so impressed that I grilled them all about their life hoping to figure out how one might create such amazing children (hopefully it is not all nature or I'm screwed).

In the process of grilling I discovered that the oldest child goes to the same school as Yert and is also in Yert’s grade. I immediately asked him if he knew Yert’s younger brother Hoshie and he nodded. I then asked if he had ever witnessed Hoshie’s incredible rage. A huge grin broke out over the boy’s face and he nodded. At which point I said, “I know! It’s awesome isn’t it?”

All My Pants Are Tight!

So lately I have been eating everything in sight and all my pants are tight, not just the skinny jeans which are supposed to be tight - ALL MY PANTS - even the ones I bought large so I would have room to expand. I should cut back on my food consumption but it's all I have people - that and a butt-load of books.

Makes Me Sad

So these are pictures of my elementary school that is being torn down. It was built in 1937 and I think it is beautiful and the thought of it lying in heaps of rubble breaks my heart.

Attack of the Human Drum Machine

So I need to catch you up on what happened the weekend I took Hosh and Yert to High School Musical 3 otherwise known as the weekend my eardrums burst into flames. Anyhoo, Hosh and Yert were super excited. Yert was excited to see Sharpay and Hosh was just excited to be released from anger management for the afternoon for good behavior.

The movie started out with the opening dance number which was upbeat and kept the boys' attention as well as causing a four year old behind us to shout "YAY!" EVERY TEN SECONDS DURING EVERY MUSICAL NUMBER! The whole damn movie is basically one big musical number! I was able to ignore this for the most part, but what I could not ignore, occurred about fifteen minutes into the movie, Hosh started pounding on his chest like he was a gorilla. The first time it happened I leaned over and politely asked him to stop because no one appreciated his human percussion. By the fifth time I was a tad frustrated and I told him that if he did not stop I would sell his Wii and use the money to pay for my eardrum reconstruction. He complied FOR ALL OF A SECOND and then he was back at it and I spent pretty much the whole rest of the movie trying to convince Hosh that it is so much funner to sit on one's hands, it makes them nice and toasty with the added bonus of smelling like butt.

Like Laverne and Shirley with more cheese

So my cute Hoshie and the adorable Yert have decided that they are going to live together which is all well and good considering they are family and therefore have to live together until they are of the age where it is not considered child abuse for my sister to kick them out. However they are not just going to live together while growing up or even during their poor college years when Hosh will only be able to afford processed cheese. No, they are going to live together UNTIL THEY DIE. That is their plan, even after they get married. 

Upon hearing this, I pointed out to my sister that perpetual cohabitation may be a deal breaker for most women. I know that if my sister had informed my brother-in-law that I would be coming home along with that unfortunate wedding gift of deodorant, their marriage would have been annulled before I started choking on their last slice of wedding cake. 

Yert and Hosh are convinced that this arrangement will work and will be beneficial to all parties involved. Yert's spouse will get used to the constant screams of "I'M SORRY!" whenever Hoshie gets called on leaving the seat up and the light on and the toilet unflushed. (Poor Hosh has yet to learn that "I'm sorry" only sounds sincere when it is not screamed at the top of your lungs.) Hosh's spouse will have to adjust to the fact that in the middle of the night, Hosh will disappear only to be found the next morning comfortably sandwiched between Yert and his spouse. Good times.

YES!

I am so happy. I know that in my immediate family, I am the only one celebrating. I hope that one day my family will realize what an asset Barack Obama is to this country.

Via's World! Party Time!

So I am attending my first real election party and I am stoked. I don't get invited to that many parties because I tend to get excited and choke on my food. Apparently having the chance to practice the heimlich is not some people's idea of fun. Go figure.

I am lucky enough to have found friends who are willing to overlook my inhaling and subsequent cough/spraying of the hummus, and invite me to their party. I am also lucky because these patient friends share my political views and we are all rooting for Obama. I am so excited to discuss politics with people who won't call me a Communist (I'm talking to you mom!) and understand what it is like voting Democrat in the reddest of the red states. Here's hoping we will have a reason to really celebrate! OBAMA for PRESIDENT!

Halloween Pic

Updates - YEAH!

So since I haven't posted in a bit I have some stuff to catch you up on. First off, pictures will be forthcoming of my Halloween costume. I was indeed a Jonas Brother, however, I was not the eldest, sweaty Jonas Brother. I had a major wardrobe malfunction with regards to making believable looking pit-stains and my wig was too small for my head and looked like a curly yamika. I ended up raiding my wig collection (yes I have a wig collection, I love dressing up) and I found a wig that would work for the middle Jonas - he of the giant eyebrows, so I went to work dressed as him. I found that unless people had adolescent children, they had no idea who I was and many thought I was Groucho Marx.

My costume was awesome, but I did not spend the whole day as a Jonas, that night I decided to attend a local screening of The Rocky Horror Picture Show dressed as Riff Raff. I spent weeks putting together my costume and I was extremely pleased with how it turned out, even though I had to use pantyhose to portray a receding hairline. I was excited to go because I had never seen the movie live but I always wanted to and I wasn't quite sure what to expect. Yeah - I was the only one dressed as Riff Raff and I had to GET ON STAGE AND DO THE TIME WARP! I was horrified, not only because I had not watched the movie since last Halloween and I didn't have the dance memorized, but because I am not the type of person who likes to perform in front of other people, I like to sit in the back and heckle. I was so AWFUL. I think I scarred some people for life. They will always remember how their 2008 Halloween was ruined by some chick with hose on her head.