Red Bull gives me stomach cramps

So I tried my first Red Bull today, not because I was curious, but because I give in very easily to peer pressure. Oh my God! My hands are shaking as I type. My head feels funny and I’m sure it is my stomach that they are hearing in the House of Leaves. I’ve realized that I should not drink Red Bull for two reasons. Reason 1: I consume way too much caffeine during the day and the addition of a Red Bull sends me into some sort of caffeinated psychosis. Reason 2: Aspartame makes me violently ill. Why I didn’t read the ingredients before I chugged, we’ll just chalk it up to my unbridled enthusiasm at trying something that tastes like liquid Spree. I have learned my lesson and will steer clear of Red Bull, until I forget said lesson as I do with all lessons I learn (see hair cut incident).