Complaining and Junk

So I found out my secret crush is seeing someone and I’m feeling a little sad. I am trying to be good and wish him the best, but part of me wishes he was still single so that, eventually, he could see that I am not so bad. True, I cheat on my Pilates push-ups and I hoard things. I also covet the Plinko set from The Price is Right and I have a large collection of Star Trek toys (MIB), but that doesn’t make me completely unlikable (only vaguely). This latest rejection has convinced me to give up on men and take up decorative macramé. I have also decided that I really want a doughnut – the cake kind with white frosting and rainbow sprinkles. I am posting some pictures – enjoy.

Proof

Squidgy loves to dance!

Salsa and s#%t

I have been so wiped lately that I do not have the brainpower to type up a blog entry that makes sense and/or makes sense. Right now I am about to plop my head on my keyboard. I am so exhausted that I would not wake up until tomorrow afternoon. By then, part of said keyboard will be permanently adhered to my head (my drool doubles as super glue). Anyhoo I'll give you a groggy recap of the highlights my week. On Monday, I spilled salsa in my lap and then having wiped it up to the best of my ability made use of my verbal pre-emptive strike and upon meeting anyone, for the rest of the day, I would blurt out, "I SPILLED SALSA ON MY SKIRT BECAUSE I AM A HUGE SLOB AND CANNOT KEEP IT ON MY CHIPS!" To which they would reply, "I didn't even notice a stain." They don't realize I just saved them some eyestrain. I also like to do my part to deter olfactory wear and tear by using my freakishly strong sense of smell to provide information such as, "Does anyone else smell feta?" My comments usually do not elicit a strong response because no one else seems to care that the room smells vaguely of pungent cheese. On Tuesday I decided to try to get over my crush because I feel that my crushing is futile. Beyond him learning my name, I have not made very much progress. I will instead work on the Guinness Book of World Records record for longest armpit hair (the toe nail dream inspired me). Wednesday I ate some toast. Thursday I ate a pita, with hummus, it was good. Friday I tried my hand at socializing and spent time with my friends who don't mind that I frequently reference Star Trek and insist that they call me Spock. All in all, a very productive week.

A Whole Lotta Nothing

So I feel as if I have accomplished nothing this week. I didn’t post anything until today. I didn’t clutter my room with more items from Ikea and/or various thrift stores or garage sales. I didn’t win over my crush by regaling him with detailed accounts of my dreams (I dreamt my toe nails were really long and I couldn’t wear shoes – who wouldn’t find that fascinating?). I did clear some space on my floor by putting some books into storage. Quite a few were self help books my mom gave me in hopes of raising my self-esteem. I found they had the opposite effect – Dr. Phil is harsh.