Can’t keep my big yap shut

So I have this problem with telling EVERYONE about my secret crushes. “Hey everyone who works in his office – I have a crush on your coworker – be sure to gossip about this around the water cooler in front of him.” “Hey random person on the street – I have a crush on this guy – let me describe him to you in precise detail and tell you exactly where you can find him.” You’d think that given my HUGE mouth he would have found out about my crushing on him. Fortunately, I don’t think he has because he doesn’t avoid me yet. I do suffer from constant teasing, thanks to my friends who frequently compare him to some type of hotdog that I should smother in relish. I am now unable to look at him without picturing him drenched in mustard. Curse you Chapstick!