OMG! It's Joel McHale!

So this weekend I went to a comedy club to see none other than Joel McHale from The Soup. He was pee-your-pants funny and I had some beer so I was totally in danger of that. Anyhoo, afterward I had my picture taken with him. I was so excited that when I later looked at the picture, I realized that I looked like someone just jabbed me in the butt with a fork. I had this weird excited yet terribly surprised look like "I can't believe I'm touching The Soup guy!" So I covered my face. Another reason for covering my face is that I like to keep my identity a secret. I have many ex-boyfriends whom I would rather have think I'm dead. My picture on this blog would give my living and breathing away. (I am aware no one reads this blog, but I don't want to risk it.)

Sorry - It's All Good

So I have this habit of apologizing for everything and I mean everything. I walk around in a constant state of penance because of the apparent guilt I feel over breathing air. Anyway, I'm at the store today and I get in the checkout line where I immediately apologize because the purchase will need to be split which means more work for the guy at the register and I feel like an evil, picky shopping bitch who refuses to combine work purchases with personal ones. The guy just smiles and replies, "It's all good." He then starts to ring up my purchases and I place my shopping bag on the counter and apologize because now not only am I the picky shopping bitch but I am also eschewing their fine plastic shopping bags - I am evil, picky, pretentious shopping bitch. He replies with, "It's all good" and I realize that I am an apology whore, throwing out "sorry" at any supposed offense. I need to take a cue from the cashier and instead of punctuating every sentence with a barrage of sorries, I should keep repeating "it's all good" and give up "I'm sorry" all together. I can just see myself now, the next time my klutzy as hell self ends up diving face first into someone's fine china, instead of apologizing profusely, I will smile as big as I can with Royal Doulton embedded in my cheeks and say, "It's all good."

Right On!

So I have some truly super fantastic friends where I work, two of whom brought me back this gorgeous Buddha from China. It is handmade (yes people still make things WITH THEIR HANDS) and I love it. Many many thanks to them for being awesome.




















My teeny Eiffel Tower is behind him. He is visiting Paris - one of us should and it sure isn't going to me - I'M BROKE!

So Awesome

My newest acquisition! I had the highest bid in a silent auction. I think my crazed auction look drove the other bidders away in fear. It is from Indonesia and I love it.

Update on my shizz

So my car may or may not need a new catalytic converter. I am hoping for the may not because I am still very attached to both my kidneys. In between all my car drama I caught a few shows at Sundance. The first show was Be Kind Rewind with the hilarious Jack Black and the man of my dreams - Mos Def. I really enjoyed the snippets where they remade certain films (especially Ghostbusters), but overall I felt the film was all over the map as far as tone and the characters were not fully developed - still - Mos Def is hot. The next film I watched was Smart People. This film was great. Thomas Hayden Church has cornered the market on lovable slackers, although, I have totally seen his pasty butt enough to last me a lifetime. The last film I saw was Transsiberian. Ben Kingsley and Emily Mortimer were fantastic and the scenery made me want to visit Russia. Actually every movie that takes place in Russia fills me with a desire to go there. I love the architecture.

My car is evil - PURE EVIL

My car is broken - again. The check engine light is on and only the dealer seems to know how to reset it so it stays off long enough to pass emissions so I can register the bane of my existence before the end of the month. Problem is, there is only one dealer in the area and they apparently have a monopoly on all things having to do with that demonic little light. So needless to say they basically charge such a large sum of money that I will have to start selling my organs to pay TO TURN OFF THE DAMN LIGHT!!!! This has sent me into a funk because it means more debt and more stress. This car eats all my measly attempts at savings and I am stubborn and refuse to purchase a new one because it is paid off and I am going to ride that mechanized hell beast right into the river Styx! In other words, the engine will have to disintegrate and floor fall off before I will consider going into debt on an automobile again. I am already dealing with a bunch of other debt that I want to get out of the way before accumulating more. My car situation would not be so stressful if I had done my research and realized that the one dealer for this particular make makes an obscene amount of money bleeding every poor sap that walks through their doors dry. Last time I was there I left in tears because I was charged close to $1000 for my repairs. THAT IS WRONG PEOPLE! I really wish that people looked out for each other and not just their bottom line because honestly, it would save me a lot of heartache.

Hannibal Frosty

Here is another photo from my town's Christmas Village. I love this one because of the horrified look on the snowman's face. He just realized that by eating ice cream, he is basically practicing cannibalism. The horror! The horror!

Random Pictures

My sister was given a box of gently used shoes. These shoes were among them. She and I both decided that this particular shade of brown can only be described as "turd."




















If you have ever wondered what happened to that creepy guy from Poltergeist II and III, his body has been lovingly preserved in my town's Christmas Village, complete with young children whose souls he can steal.

In Memoriam

My third grade teacher passed away this week and while it has been a long, long, long time since I was in third grade, I kept in touch with her through the years. She was always one of my favorite teachers. I remember how she taught our class to say the Pledge of Allegiance in Spanish (which I promptly forgot) and how to use poi balls (surprisingly I can still work the poi balls at the same proficiency level I did then, poi ball to the eye and all). I also remember the time she put on a class play about dental health. I wanted to be the tooth fairy who got to wear a beautiful dress and carry a sparkly wand, instead I was cast as the tooth decay witch (an indicator of my life to come). I had to jump out of a box and cackle, only the box was huge and instead of jumping out, I tripped and fell out – onto my face. I did still manage to cackle, because at eight, I was already the consummate professional.

When I was in college I had the opportunity to help her in her class during the break between semesters. I was once again able to show off my mad poi ball skills. I even taught the kids an alternative use for the poi balls – as weapons with which they could bludgeon each other. Working with her I was able to see what I couldn’t see when I was young. I saw how devoted she was to teaching. I saw the effort and time she put into making learning exciting for the kids and I realized that it was because of that effort that she stood out amongst the many teachers in my life. She truly cared about her students and I truly cared about her. She will be greatly missed.

New Year - Now With Extra Cheese!

Yes, I did not post during the holiday break from school and I have a very good reason – I was stuffing myself with cheese, the exotic kind with names you can’t pronounce. Anyhoo, nothing really happened except for when my cute little two year old Squidgy decorated the piano with her feces. My sister said she does that because she lacks tactile stimulation. I think she does it because she knows of all the things she can do to gross someone out, 99% of them involve pooh. In addition to cleaning up after poohcasso, I decided that once again I would not participate in the making of New Year resolutions. I don’t like to tie myself down to anything, I prefer to just go with the flow – good way to reduce stress. That is why, when the piano smells like crap, I can laugh while everyone else freaks out.

Stick a fork in me

So I am pretty sure I am done with all my work for this semester and I am hella happy about that. I have been in a constant state of stress for weeks trying to get my brain to work long enough to crank out a paper and put together a presentation that didn't totally suck. In my humble opinion, they only mildly sucked. I can now get all holiday inebriated without the guilt associated with the fact that I should probably be doing something more productive than killing my brain cells, such as watching The Hills. I love that show, Spencer is such a tool and Justin Bobby, I'm pretty sure I dated his twin during the period I refer to as "my dark ages." I say pretty sure because I've blocked those years out, along with high school and the all the years I had a perm.

Busy-ness

Holy Moly! It has been such a busy month. I know that it will get busier with presentations and papers due at the end. I am trying not to get overwhelmed, but my stomach has been acting up in protest of all the stress. Oh well, such is life.

Man Moratorium

So I have definitely decided that for the time being I am not dating. Normally I could say that this decision would not make any change in my social life because I date about as often as Hoshie has a happy day. Lately, however, I have actually had some interest of the male variety, but I just don't feel like dating. I really just want to be alone and figure out why I am so musically cursed. I decided to take up the guitar and thanks to my efforts; I think I have killed some of my family's brain cells. Bet you didn't know that horrendous guitar twanging could do that - but it can! The surgeon general is going to show up at my house any day now and slap a sticker on me stating - "Will cause copious brain cell death when placed near a musical instrument."

Hoshie-isms

Here are some statements from my own sweet, seven year old Hoshie. Keep in mind that almost all the statements were shouted at the top of his angry lungs.

After his sister Jess jokingly tried to bite his back - "YOU'RE GETTING SALIVA ON MY JACKET!!!!!!"

After his sister Jess jokingly pinched his angry little bum - "SHE PINCHED MY BUTT AND I HATED IT!!!!!"

After his sister Jess asked for a second time if he wanted some soup because he mumbled his first reply (in his defense he was in videogame mode and anyone who knows Hoshie knows you are playing with fire if you disturb his videogame time) - "I SAID SURE!!!!!!!"

And finally, just to prove he is not all screaming and anger, in one of his happier moments - "Yert, let's go outside and spin!"

Welcome back Miller!

I am so glad that Miller is back and I appreciate his concern for my social well-being. That being said ... Miller ... the cheeseburger thing ... it ain't gonna happen. Let it go. Anyway I have no time for guys, someone has to document the goings on of the Hoshus Rageous for prosperity. If I didn't see it with my own eyes, I would never have believed that such an incredible amount of rage could exist in such a small package. I believe that because I share DNA with Hoshie, I can stand in the same room as him without the risk of being fried by his anger. Therefore, I own it to others who live with little angry ones to study Hoshie and perhaps someday find a way to live in harmony with those who get pissed at having to share a planet with people.

VIA IS INCOMPLETE WITHOUT CHEESEBURGER BOY

ITS ALLLLLLLLLLLLLIVE!!!!!! ITS ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIVE!! Yes...please please...sit back down. Yeah its me Miller Machiavelli! And, IM BACK! So I miss Via a bunch and all the gang back at da offiz! Well, almost everybody...
Life is good.

So VIA....hows the boy sicheashion? Any authors out there you are after? Cheeseburger boy was a catch...why didnt you go for him?

Brain ... no ... work

So I haven't posted in a while because, well, there is nothing really to say other than - my life is soooo boring. All I do is work, read books, watch movies, drink excessive amounts of Chai and pee frequently because of aforementioned Chai. Oh, one major thing that happened, my crushing ceased. I don't really know how it happened but one day I realized that I felt more of a "hey, you're my buddy" feeling than a "hey, let's make out" feeling when I was around my crush. I am relieved because I hate being all gah gah over a guy. I would rather not care either way and then the only way to go is up.

Hoshie draws to express his rage

His brother Chase obviously enraged him. Let this be a warning to anyone who crosses Hoshie's path - he has a pen and he is not afraid to use it.

Bring on the Distractions

So this weekend I tried to make sure that I stayed busy so I would not dwell on the fact that my crush thinks I'm a troll. I began the weekend by stuffing my face at a fundraiser. At said fundraiser, you pay a set price and you get to sample man cooking. Unfortunately, I arrived at the tale end and the only man prepared foods left were a few pieces of bread and some noodles. I am still bloated from all the carbo loading. On the upside, I was too sick to dwell on my being a gorgon. The next day, my friend and I went on an old home tour. It was fantastimo and I coveted me some old homes - big time. If only procrastination paid, I would be rich and could afford to buy one. Behold - some pictures!















The rest of the weekend I either did homework, avoided doing homework or chilled with my relatives who would never refer to me as nice because I've stolen food off most of their plates.

Kiss of Death

So today I was being good and not obsessing about my crush too much when my friend Chapstick mentions that my name came up in a conversation he had had earlier with my crush. I was stoked until he told me what my crush said...he said that I was nice - NICE!!!!!!! He could have easily substituted "nice" for "I find her as appealing as Larry King in drag." I was crushed. I now know that I am firmly entrenched in the "friends" category and I feel like crap. However, on the plus side, I now have a new answer for all of my mother's friends who constantly say to me, "I don't understand, why aren't you married?" Instead of answering with something like, "oh, I just haven't found the right person." I can now say concisely and without any sarcasm - "I'm nice."